The importance of not being mom… well, at least not always.

Mom culture

Americans have this culture where once you become a mother you are no longer yourself. You are mom first and yourself second. You are expected to literally give up everything in your life for your children. Huh? How, did we get to this point? Now, don’t get me wrong I will do anything to make sure my child has what they need to be successful and happy in life. But, you know how on airplanes they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others. This concept should apply to all aspects of life.

We can’t help anyone if we don’t first take care of ourselves. Now, let me clarify. To me this means self-care has to take priority in your life. To me this doesn’t mean make my child miss out on opportunities so I can get a massage three times a week. But, a massage every other week or once a month? Do it. Having a girl’s night with your besties once a month? Do it. Even something as small as getting yourself a Starbucks once a week because it makes you feel good. Do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life after your kids grow up

What I try to keep in mind is my children will move out in their late teens early twenties (maybe… well, hopefully) but I’m stuck with me forever. I need to make sure I still have an identity even after my children are off leading successful, happy, productive adult lives. I read the book Bringing Up Bebe when my son was about 5 months old and I really wish I would have found it when I was pregnant. It discusses one woman’s journey through discovering the French style of parenting. Where there isn’t a constant fear of judgment the entire time you are pregnant. Where dining out with children is fun! And, the idea of a mother taking care of herself is completely normal. This book is so good I tell all of my friends to read it! If you want to get yourself a copy here is the link

Don’t tell me to enjoy my motherhood

I love my son more than anything in the entire world. I love being his mother. But, you know what? It is so freakin exhausting sometimes. I read an article called Don’t Carpe Diem from Huffington Post and the following excerpt spoke to my soul

“I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard.

These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up. And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers — “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” — those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.” (Read the entire article here http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html)

Ditch the mom guilt

Once I stopped feeling guilty for not loving every second of motherhood, started accepting that it’s hard and it’s ok to admit it and started taking time for myself I noticed an amazing change in my life. I started to see happiness where I used to see resentment. I started to enjoy the small things that used to bother me. Parenting is exhausting and you deserve to take five, ten, fifty or even 200 minutes for yourself every now and then to not be mom and just be you.

When you take time to take care of yourself everyone benefits. You feel better which makes you a better wife, mother, friend, professional, so on and so on. The importance of not being mom all the time cannot be overstated. You are still a person. You are still important. You deserve a break. You rock snoozy mommas and never doubt that for a second! This applies to my snoozy dads as well!

 

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